
The Kiss, Auguste Rodin, 1882. Photo by Caeciliusinhorto.
Philosophers debate many things, but do they talk about what makes the world go round? As it happens, a number of philosophical colleagues have been contributing to The Philosophy of Sex (Rowman & Littlefield 2023, eds. Raja Halwani, Jacob Held, Natasha McKeever and Alan Soble)! What is more, this is the eighth edition under that title, with some contributions new, others held over from earlier editions. Since I’ve already read three of the latest edition’s 25 essays, I’ll bring you up to date on those three.
First, in hopes it would put me up to speed on the latest, I read “How to be a Pluralist about Gender Categories” by Katharine Jenkins. Her essay draws on a distinction (that’s had currency for some time) between sex, the biologic fact, and gender, the social fact. Here’s what I take to be her key sentences: “People’s sense of their own social location is also critical for thinking about resistance to oppression. Plausibly, we may need to resist gender oppression by finding new ways to interpret and inhabit the identities of men, women, genderqueer, agender, and so on.” Jenkins, kindly help me out here. Show me how to “interpret and inhabit” all four of the identities you list, and let me know whether you mean to do both – the interpreting and the inhabiting – simultaneously or in succession.
Okay, apart from the vice of writing in a meaningless (albeit avant garde) style, it remains true that few women escape efforts to exploit a female vulnerability that hasn’t vanished, despite all the changes in law and social comportment. But this essay, preoccupied with issues of in-group taxonomy, contributes precisely nothing that I could see to the understanding – much less the handling – of power imbalances. So let’s move right along.
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An essay by Alan Soble, “Sexual Gifts and Sexual Duties,” concludes the volume. In it he tells a story from his own earlier life, one that has haunted him for years. As a young graduate student, walking on campus, Soble was accosted by a young woman he did not know who – apparently without ceremony – propositioned him. About that campus encounter, he provides no details. Except one, that he found her notably unattractive. Yet, Soble felt it his duty, his moral obligation, to agree to her invitation. They repair to her room, get in gear for the sexual connection, and he avoids intercourse but performs on her a nonreciprocal act of cunnilingus.
In the years since, he has continued to reflect on that incident, debating in his own mind whether and to what degree the act he performed qualifies as morally right, even as right-beyond-the-call-of-duty (“supererogatory”) or on the other hand compromised by the tiny threads of self-interest that, despite appearances, he can nonetheless detect introspectively.
I won’t go into all the hypothetical cases over which Soble extends his principle of sexual supererogation. We’ll just cut to the chase. Here’s what I think about Soble’s unresolved recollection. First, it’s ungallant. If the girl, by now a woman getting on in years, had read this essay or heard about it, she would have reason to feel utterly stung. His story is deeply, deeply insulting to the woman in the story.
Why do I say that? Look folks, sex is not a commodity in mass production. As the French say, “The most beautiful woman in the world cannot give more than she has.”
But isn’t it unliberal, unemancipated and unliberated to talk like that? Shouldn’t sex be regarded as one of the pleasures on the banquet table of the world? One more note struck in the great concert of life? One vivid dab of color on the wide canvass of human experience?
No. I can’t speak for men, who are somewhat differently put together, but for women, these encounters put rings on the tree, not notches on the gun.
But hey, didn’t the woman Soble writes about “start it”? That doesn’t diminish the insult of telling the whole world about the time you agreed to an act of sexual intimacy with a woman out of pity! But “she asked for it,” Soble might still argue. Maybe if he’d said no, he would have given her time and space to think again – before she asked anyone else for it.
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Now let’s revisit Thomas Nagel’s “Sexual Perversion,” the essay that may have launched the enterprise of philosophizing seriously about sex in our contemporary setting and time. The essay’s title carries the implication that there is such a thing as normality in sex. For that reason, much of Nagel’s essay is given over to explicating the sexual norm. Unlike Sartre, whom he first discusses, Nagel believes that sex can fulfill its norm. Desire can be satisfied.
What follows is an intricately abstract account of what hypothetically would happen in the optimal case. Across a mirrored room, a man and a woman perceive each other and they sense attraction. Insofar as the attraction is mutual, the desired one feels something that’s reciprocal with what the desirer feels. As the desire of each is mirrored in the other, each enters into greater identification with his or her own body. Eventually, they come together sexually. When that happens, each desired person merges with the desirer’s image of what he or she wants to possess. At the climactic moment, each becomes precisely what the other longed for.
I’m afraid I can’t agree with this account of the optimal sex act. To me, it appears to describe a delusion from which a rude awakening – or at least a letdown – can be expected.
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So, if I’ve disagreed with the two philosophers who discussed the topic substantively, what do I think happens with sex in the optimal case? Look, to begin with, I’m not an atheist. For me, common sense atheism is cold tea.
Something comes into play, in desire at the deep level, where we find love trying to do something about the depth of its desire. Love’s trying is not aimed at the satisfaction of an appetite. Rather, it’s the enacting of a desire with which one’s whole sense of being is bound up. And there is also an open skylight, one might say, above that enacting. The lover is participating in a very large drama. One is carried by that drama. One is not the owner, the master or the mistress of it. It's a concrete case where –
you gain your life
by losing it.
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